This month is a special month in terms of awareness and understanding for Neurodiversity. It is World Autism Awareness Month however many of my clients are both (AutyADHD - Autistic and ADHD). In the past it was thought you were one or the other, a dual diagnosis of both Autism and ADHD is much more common now.
I have had life long personal, and decades of professional experience, living and working with Neurodiversity.
I understand not only from years of study but also personal experience. I know like me, many people hear comments like: 'you are too sensitive', 'you are very anxious', 'stop overthinking it', 'you are too impulsive', 'why don't you listen?', 'that was a weird thing to do/say', 'you are lazy', 'you work too hard and for too long', 'you just can't hack pressure', 'you are no good at this type of work', 'why are you doing it like that?', 'this writing makes no sense', 'she needs to concentrate and focus', 'she needs to try harder', 'she's a daydreamer', 'she can say it but cant write it down', 'she just isn't academic', 'she isnt that bright', 'she needs to listen to instructions', 'she needs to talk less and listen more', etc. The list goes on and on.
We wonder why Autistic and ADHD people, have low self esteem, low self worth and no confidence. If you lived with these types of comments on a daily basis since childhood, how would you feel? I endlessly felt 'not good enough' and now realise it was about the environment, not about me. I suffer from RSD (Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria) which is connected to ADHD. The sense of never feeling 'good enough', programs you to accept that you are not good enough, consequently beat yourself up about it everyday as well as feeing sensitive to comments that suggest that.
I just couldn't understand how I didn't fit in to the Neurotypical world of academic success and careers. The O levels, A levels and university route my friends took wasn't my path until later on. No matter how hard I worked, I felt I was never good enough and would feel endlessly worthless and exhausted by it. It took me a long time to realise I wasn't thick and I could study but I needed to be interested and engaged for that to happen.
I was always fascinated by the way brains worked, the topic interested me probably because of my Neurodiversity (ADHD). I went to school in the 1970/80s and I tried hard to mask and fit in. Nobody knew about ADHD, I just thought people were right about me. Why did others just know how to socialise and say the right things? Why could everyone else do this? What is wrong with me? Why do I get burnout and nobody else does? Why do the prescribed ways of working, not work for me? Why am I oversensitive and emotional? Why can't I just get motivated and do tasks? Why is it so much effort to get organised? Why do I forget things all the time? Why do I make more mistakes than everyone else? Why do I care so much for other people but they don't care about me? I developed coping strategies that worked for me but no one else needed to do them. I consumed books and self help courses incessantly. I internalised a lot of what was said to me when I was younger, thinking I was to blame and I was somehow defective, bad and wrong. I suffer from IBS which I now know is common, it is thought to be linked to high levels of stress and anxiety.
I went through various stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance), processing and coming to terms with the fact that it was OK to be me. In fact it is more than OK. The career changes and experiences I have had over the years have enriched my life. Not many people can say they have done the things I have and that isn't a bad thing. I realised that all those experiences that I perceived to be bad at the time, I didn't need to regret or to be embarrassed about. We are all different and all those experiences shaped me to be who I am now. I started to actually be proud of myself and I could forge a career on those skills and experiences, that would be rewarding, motivating and energising to me... I could be who and whatever I wanted to be. It was up to me to do something about it.
I love my work as a psychotherapist and supervisor and I have learned a lot in my journey empowering my clients. All of them are unique wonderful people who made positive changes to their lives but importantly built their self esteem, understanding and acceptance of who they are and watching that journey is so rewarding.
The National Autistic society have created a pledge wall for people to show their commitment. I feel proud that I work with Autistic clients every day but also when I talk to people that do not understand, I share my knowledge. I love it when people ask questions and I am very happy to give advice and information. I hope that will help them deepen their knowledge and understanding because ultimately that has to be better for the Neurodiverse in our communities. I believe in the social (not the medical) model, namely that those with Autism (and Neurodiversity) should be understood and accepted by society, not change themselves to fit in. Self-awareness for clients is integral to this, because when they understand what they need from an education setting or in their work place they can show their autonomy. I often support clients in this, knowing what they need is often something they dont know but when they do, this can really help them advocate for themselves. However an understanding society is vital for them to be able to do that!
If you want to make a pledge on the wall there is a link below.
The National Autistic Society have this pledge wall. 'It is a space for action, a space where small commitments come together to make a big difference. It’s filled with people who have chosen to show up in their own way, whether they’re learning more about autism, creating inclusive spaces, or simply being a friend.'
https://www.autism.org.uk/what-we-do/acceptance-and-awareness/how-you-show-up/pledge-wall?utm_source=The%20National%20Autistic%20Society&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=14950897_MKT_SB_AKHProf_Newsletter%2004.04.2025&utm_content=Pledge%20wall%20%20button&Keywords=Pledge%20wall%20%20button&dm_i=YA3,8WG6P,2KCOA,113KJL,1