Category: Uncategorized

This week is World Suicide Prevention week.

In recognition of World Suicide Prevention Day on the 10th September, I felt it was important to break my silence and become more active on my website and Social Media. The World Health Organisation state that ‘Every 45 seconds someone takes their life; an estimated 703,000 people a year around the world. For each suicide, approximately 135 people suffer intense grief or are otherwise affected, resulting in 108 million people, annually, who are profoundly impacted by suicidal behaviours. For every suicide, 25 people make a suicide attempt, and many more have serious thoughts of suicide.’

Reaching out and asking if someone is feeling suicidal is so important in giving them the support they need. As the Samaritans recommend, ‘asking someone if they’re suicidal won’t make things worse. Evidence shows it could protect them.’

This year’s theme is ‘creating hope through action’; encouraging and empowering people to take action to help create a world where fewer people die by suicide. If you feel this way or know someone else that does, please do not hesitate to get help, either via local Crisis teams or through private practice Psychotherapists (like myself). https://suicidepreventionwestyorkshire.co.uk/

Waiting times for ASC and ADHD diagnosis

I work with many clients whom suspect they might have a neurodiversity (usually Autism or ADHD) and want some support whilst they wait for assessment, which on the NHS can be a number of years! Since COVID this has become a much worse situation and prior to the Lockdowns, the waiting lists were extremely long. It would appear inevitable that this would create more issues with waiting times. However, I have learned this does appear to depend on the area you live in, a postcode lottery dependent on the CCG you are under, and I understand London’s wait list is not quite so long. Due to my Zoom sessions, I work with clients all over the UK, and it is fascinating to hear how different clients experiences can be, with all kinds of services.

I am not able to give a diagnosis as a psychotherapist, however I am able to screen clients and give clients an indication of whether a diagnosis is likely to be confirmed in an assessment. The wait times have now become so long, that many of my clients pay to go privately, so they can get the support they need in education or the reasonable adjustments necessary in the work place. Although during that long wait it is often helpful to have therapy and coaching to support clients in the traits that might cause them difficulties and also to see the positives of being neurodiverse, of which there are lots!

My work can be seen as a cross-over between psychotherapy (working with mental health issues), psycho-education (teaching clients about mental health conditions and their neurodiversity) and also coaching (teaching techniques and methods that might be helpful in terms of executive function or social interaction).

If you are interested in finding out more, please do email me on seba@spring.me.uk

Current times are very stressful!

I know some of my clients have reduced sessions now due to the rise in the cost of living, however many are keeping the sessions and/or finding ways to pay for them. It is an extremely difficult time for everyone, however at least by using Zoom sessions or phone calls this reduces travel time and extra fuel costs. I know some clients do ask if I will move back to face to face sessions, however this is not something I am considering doing. Online therapy is very convenient for lots of my clients, particularly those that travel for work, go on holiday but still wish to have a session, have time constraints with other activities or live a long way from me.

Zoom isn’t for everyone, and I do understand that. If face to face is something you need, then finding the right fit for you in terms of a psychotherapist is important. I do have some Autistic clients that find the camera difficult to deal with in the beginning. Autistic people can find social interaction extremely stressful, so why add to this! Usually over time, many clients begin to feel more comfortable and will have the camera on. As a neurodiverse specialist psychotherapist, I understand the needs of my Autistic/ADHD clients, I work flexibly, so some clients work without the camera on and just talk. Some clients might find interaction too difficult in the beginning, so I will talk to the parents to help alleviate their anxiety and help give tips. The important point is as a neurodiverse psychotherapist, it is necessary to be flexible and to work with the needs of the clients and that is what is at the forefront of all my sessions.

Supervision

As a post graduate trained supervisor and private practice psychotherapist, I have lots of experience that would be helpful to newly qualified or long term psychotherapists looking for a supervisor with specialism in neurodiversity. I know when I was looking for a supervisor it took me some time to find a supervisor that had the experience I required, and it was great to find my supervisor who has a wealth of knowledge in neurodiversity. If you are a psychotherapist, please do contact me to find out more.

As a client, you can be safe in the knowledge that the professional guidelines set by the British Association of Counsellors and Psychotherapists are adhered to. The unqualified and untrained are putting an awful lot of people at risk on various social media sites. All psychotherapists should have monthly supervision, and group supervision is something I choose to do as a supplement to my training/reading. I find this helps me as a professional to keep my skills up to date and current. My group supervision is with other neurodiverse specialist psychotherapists. This networking and knowledge sharing is invaluable to my practice and the benefit of my clients.

To see my therapist posting on the BACP click the attached link: https://www.bacp.co.uk/search/Therapists?UserLocation=53.8814211%2C-1.8793893&q=Seba+&LocationQuery=&Location=Microsoft.Spatial.GeographyPointImplementation&FoundLocation=&SortOrder=1&TherapistSortOrderSelectionMade=false&Distance=10

Training and Workshops

I have delivered a number of workshops over the year to schools and local charities such as Airedale and Wharfedale Autism Resource. These can be tailored to the needs of your audience. I have trained teachers on neuordiversity and given talks to parents on various topics that have been helpful to them. These workshops are invaluable to many because the opportunity to talk to others and share experiences is often very helpful in itself. Sharing top tips and asking questions that others may want the answers to also.

If you are a parent with a child that is diagnosed or not, you can become a member of AWARE, please contact them to find out more. I know clients I have signposted their way have found them a huge support! https://aware-uk.org/

There are many families who have school refusing children either through ASC, ADHD and/or mental health problems.  As a primary teacher of 10 years and a parent of a child who had a difficult time in the education system I can fully appreciate these difficulties.

I can offer afternoon sessions a few times a week or weekly sessions to support confidence whilst in school.  If you need support with tutoring please call me to discuss your childrens needs. 

http://www.theguardian.com/education/2018/apr/11/parents-hit-out-at-plans-to-increase-oversight-of-home-education

Does Tutoring Work?

We are getting nearer to the end of the summer holidays and many parents are starting to think about children’s school uniforms, bags, pencil cases, PE kits, name labels and the like.  The practicalities of school might not be all that you are preparing your child for.  You might have had a report that concerned you at the end of the summer term.  You might have concerns about SAT’s this school year, you might be sending your child to a Grammar School and they need to practice for the entrance exams.  Whatever your concerns, they are generally about confidence and self esteem.  You are probably more concerned about that than academic achievement.  But did you know they tend to go hand in hand.  The worries, anxieties and lack of self confidence will hold back your child’s chances of success.

It is natural that we want our children to be confident, to have high self esteem and to be able to succeed at whatever they want to succeed at.  However children are just like us and have worries and anxieties about their own abilities in life.  No matter how small they might seem to us, they are not small to them and can often become bigger if they are not addressed.

Growth Mindset is important because it is a mindset that is in all successful people.  They don’t sweat the small stuff, they enjoy making mistakes because they understand that is part of learning, they don’t rush to complete tasks and they see the value of small achievements as a journey towards a bigger picture.  They see long terms aims as a valuable to their aspirations.

‘Students’ mindsets significantly impact their success in school. Years of mounting evidence shows that growth-minded students tend to have better academic outcomes than their fix-minded peers. In addition, they are more likely to be intrinsically motivated, enjoying learning for the pleasure of learning rather than just to reach an external goal.’  (https://rsi.gse.harvard.edu/research/growth-mindset)

I am currently running INSET’s in schools for teachers on this type of teaching and learning.  We all need to consider that  in order to achieve, we must believe that we can achieve.  That effort and hard work is part of success, but also we need to relax, we need to know that it is OK to make a mistake, that it is important to know we cannot do everything right first time and in fact we need to make mistakes to learn.  How can we improve if we never make a mistake?  Short answer is we don’t improve if we don’t make a mistake.  We need to have a culture of understanding that it is OK to acknowledge a mistake, to realise what it was, and to work out what we need to learn from that.  What challenges do we set ourselves to move on from that?

I offer tutoring to children with or without special needs because I believe children need to believe in themselves, in order to be successful academically.  Children with ASC are more susceptible to a fixed mindset and I often work with these children on Growth Mindset sessions but it isn’t just children on the Spectrum lots of us (adults and children) have fixed mindsets.  Studies have proved that having a Growth Mindset assists learners to achieve and builds resilience.  I teach children academic skills to develop their progress in certain areas but also combine my therapeutic knowledge, Growth Mindset theory and teaching and learning theories to support my pupils in breaking down their barriers to learning.

They are then making positive changes to become successful learners because they know they can.  It is not about being the clever person in the class; as one of my pupils said nearing the end of our sessions ‘I am just as clever as ‘name of high achiever’ now!’  He didn’t believe in the beginning that he could be, that he could get full marks in a Grammar test, but by changing his mindset, working hard, not getting upset or worried and putting effort in, he was able to achieve those tasks that were challenges to him.  He aced his Year 6 SATs, because he believed and therefore achieved!  He made positive changes and I was immensely proud of him.

‘In conclusion, the current study aims to investigate the possible mediating roles of resilience in the associations between growth mindset, psychological well-being, and school engagement. Resilience acts as a partial mediator between growth mindset, psychological well-being and school engagement, implying that resilience might be the key factor in reaching the objective of positive education, not only to enhance the well-being of students but also their academic achievement.’

(https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5147462/)

It is so rewarding to see my clients making positive changes to their thoughts and reactions to situations such as learning and achieving so much!  Contact me if you would like to book an appointment for a no commitment first session.

‘I don’t understand why people think I am inspirational; it is just me!’

Top Tips from George:

• Make your own hope – it is down to you.
• Make good choices – you decide the path your life takes – the type of person you are and the people around you shape your life.
• Be a positive person – have positive people around you: family and friends.
• Make a difference – talk to young people – they do listen.
• Have goals and ambitions – always strive to get better and have high expectations of yourself.
• Have fun and a laugh – see the funny side.

I met Georgina (or George as she likes to be called) for the first time on Monday 24th July 2017.  I was greeted by George and Billy (her brothers 11-year-old Boxer dog) at her bungalow in Eldwick, Bingley.  I instantly found George warm, positive, friendly and welcoming and she exudes a strength and optimism.

A mutual friend Suzanne Bennett who owns Mirror Mirror in Bingley, introduced us.  I asked Suzanne if she knew of any inspirational people for my blog and podcasts.  She mentioned George and told me briefly about her story and the articles that had been written recently.  So, I read the articles about her in the Daily Mail from 7 July 2017 and The Yorkshire Post in April 2017.  These all covered the accident, her subsequent achievements and her inspirational story.  I was astounded at her resilience, her Growth Mindset and Positive attitude towards life that appeared to use of the Law of Attraction.  I was intrigued to find out more about this wonderful lady and find out where this attitude to life came from.  It has enabled her to overcome some huge obstacles and make some massive achievements in her life.

On 31st August 1998, age 25 George said she decided to get in a car with her boyfriend and the result of that decision was a head-on collision.  ‘I got in that car.  I had no reason to not get in that car.  He decided to show off and race his friend.’

http://www.yorkshirepost.co.uk/news/how-pole-dancing-has-helped-george-recover-from-horror-smash-1-8476475

She died at the scene and owes her life to a nurse who was at the scene, she used CPR on George whilst waiting for the emergency services.  She was resuscitated five times, suffered a broken neck, and shattered pelvis.  Her family were told to expect the worst; at best, she would never walk or talk again.  She told me that her palate was paralysed but through sheer determination she has managed to speak and not only that to walk again.  She speaks in hushed, hoarse tones however she has no trouble in telling her story, cracking the odd joke and telling some hilarious anecdotes.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-4674296/Wheelchair-bound-woman-walks-pole-dancing.html

Learning to walk

‘I learned to walk three years after the crash.  It is a lot better since the Pole.  I was determined to show them that I would walk again.  I spent years walking on crutches and I just thought I have had enough of this! I still walk with crutches, one day I won’t, don’t know when but I will do it.’

George had a dream she was a Pole Dancer so the next day she researched it.  She contacted Hayley at Unique Pole Fitness and never looked back!  http://www.uniquepolefitness.co.uk/about-us  Hayley gives her homework to do every morning to strengthen her core.  ‘I can’t go upside down on my own yet but I am getting there.  It won’t happen this year but it will happen.  I never thought I would be a pole dancer.’  But she is!

‘Do you find yourself thinking about what happened?  Do you ever feel like just giving up?,’ I asked.  ‘What is the point!  I can’t change that this happened to me.  You just get on with what life has dealt you.  Things are just different now that’s all.’  This is re-framing the situation, letting go and altering your response to situations so it doesn’t affect you or your future.

This attitude that George demonstrates with ‘I can’t do it yet’ and ‘it will happen’, are self-talk affirmations that many people would find useful.  George does not think about using these strategies, it is not learned through self-help books or reading.  She puts this down to being around positive people, growing up with parents who gave her support, praised her achievements and modelled a ‘can do’ attitude.  She has made her achievements by sheer ‘bloody mindedness’, enjoying a challenge and if someone says you can’t, then George will set out to prove she can!

Supporting charities

George has completed in some serious charity challenges such as riding a tricycle hundreds of miles across France, walking, climbing and talking.  She has supported and represented charities such as Help the Heroes, STUBS, Jimmy’s ICU, SMARTRisk, and more.  In 2005 she walked a mile around Yeadon Tarn and raised £5000; £2500 for Jimmy’s ICU and £2500 for SMARTRisk.

Only 4 weeks ago, she went to Hanson School for Bradford Council to speak about Road Safety and the dangers of racing cars.  She also spoke at Bingley Grammar School.  ‘That was weird because my old teachers were there and I had them in tears. It is emotional to tell my story.  It could affect them (children) and I always cry because I care about it.’

Feeling Low

The 19th anniversary of the incident is approaching and George said occasionally the anniversary of the crash upsets her.  She agrees that ‘I have the odd day when I think about what could have been but not for long, I don’t feel sad or angry.  What’s happened has happened.’  She focuses instead on ‘How my life has changed and what I have done since the crash.  I can count on one hand the amount of times I feel like that.  I am unusually cheerful and I feel optimistic.  I appreciate what people say but I don’t see how I am amazing or inspiring. I am just me.   I think I have always been like this.  I was brought up to believe that there is no such word as ‘can’t’.’

George says ‘Having positive people around you and supporting you helps you to be confident and more resilient.  When I was in hospital with the halo on my head and pelvic fixator.  I couldn’t move at all or talk.  I remember trying to get my mum to see that I could move the sheet because I could move my foot.’  She said she felt so proud and the recognition of those little steps helped her through her recovery.

High expectations and aspirations

‘My aim now is the Olympics for Pole; I am going to make Hayley proud!  They are trying to make it an Olympic sport.  I still have the tricycle in the garage but I prefer to concentrate on my Pole.’

George has new goals and high aspirations – she is always moving forward and setting herself new targets to achieve.  She sets realistic goals towards a high expectation and that is what makes life worthwhile.  It gives us a purpose and a goal to work towards.  I look forward to watching George in the Paralympics in 4 years’ time!

Support

‘My mum and dad would never show me how upset they were.  Once in hospital I couldn’t talk and I mouthed when I was in hospital ‘what if’ to my mum and she wiped the floor with me – she said never say that.  You just get on with it as best you can do.’

‘After the articles were written in the Yorkshire Post and Daily Mail.  I read all the comments and they were lovely – ‘you are an inspiration, you are amazing,’ etc.  but I am just me.  I just get on with it.’

Humour

She talked about some extremely painful nerve tests she had to endure.  ‘I had electrodes attached to me.  My mum was squatting at the end of the bed with finger puppets of a reindeer and Santa.  She was distracting me and making it fun.  I didn’t feel the pain.  We make everything funny.  I tell crap jokes and I think they are funny. I am very close to my mum and since the accident we are even closer.  We always have a laugh.’

Routine and busy life

I asked George about her routine and what her day looks like.  She said ‘I get up at 5.30 and have breakfast. I let that settle then I do my homework (pole exercises).  I have a shower and on Monday and Tuesday Liz (Georges carer) comes and helps me with shopping and housework.  Monday I go to the pole lessons with Hayley.  I go to Pole three times a week, I have a personal trainer two times a week at home, beauticians, hair, chiropodist & general things, bed about 10.30 pm.’ She also goes out with friends and family for meals, drinks, shopping and clearly has a busy active life.  This must be a part of what keeps George going, the more we do the more we are capable of.

Independence

‘I started driving in 2004.  I didn’t have to retake my test but I had to be assessed.  I did a simulator and they tested my reaction times.  I can’t walk so this has given me my independence.  I can get places and I can meet people.  It’s nice to be able to do things that other people do.  I don’t understand people who stay in at home all day in their wheelchairs.  I would be bored rigid!’

Always seeking out a challenge George is going on her 5^th holiday in December despite some interesting experiences the past four times!

The first holiday was a cruise from the Bahamas.  She flew there fine without any issues but on the ship there were two disabled rooms.  ‘The guy next to me, decided he was going to become my stalker!  I spent the holiday avoiding him and going to the pool at 7am because he came out at 1pm. I watched the first Harry Potter film over 8 times!  I was by the pool and my bikini top broke and I had a nose bleed!  I flashed at him and bled everywhere but that didn’t stop him!’  Then someone jumped overboard, they were ok, just bruised but it caused a five-hour delay to the airport.  ‘There wasn’t anyone to help with my suitcases, then the restaurant was self-service (pretty difficult in a wheelchair!) and on the airplane, I was ignored when I requested help to get to the toilet or get back to my seat!’

The second holiday was to the Bahamas.  On the airplane, I said ‘I am sorry I can’t move’ to the man next to me but he continuously pushed past me.  He went on to pick his nose and eat the whole flight!   The taxi driver was one armed which was fine, until the driver decided answered his phone!  Then the car broke down. ‘I went to go ‘drown’ with the dolphins.’ She laughs, and the people were talking to her like she was an idiot because a woman had told them that she couldn’t talk.  Finally, at the airport, the airline lost her wheelchair and then asked ‘do you really need it?! I need it for my mobility, I am unable to manoeuvre without it.’

The third holiday was in Tenerife.  The hotel was supposed to be 100% wheelchair accessible.  However, the ramp to her room was nearly a 90-degree angle.  ‘I got bored waiting to get helped out of my room so tried to get out on my own and tipped backwards, luckily a couple came to my rescue!’  The manager was called Jesus but didn’t see the funny side when she passed comment about not working miracles.  ‘I got a mobility scooter it was the size of a double decker bus.  I decided to go full throttle over bridge and flew over it!  The waiter’s faces were a picture!’

The fourth holiday in Lanzarote. ‘I got stuck in toilet and then pulled the sink off the wall. The scooter then broke down half way across a main road, I was nearly killed by a bus but a man rescued me!’

This December will be her fifth holiday alone.  She is going to Cancun, Mexico.  These previous holidays have not put her off, quite the opposite she has laughed about some of the negative experiences. She is hoping this time it is going to be ok! ‘This time it’s either going to work or be another story!’

It was a pleasure to meet George and I look forward to hearing about her holiday and work towards the Pole Paralympics!

Please subscribe to my YouTube page to watch more videos on various topics.  Contact me if you feel I might be able to help you.

The Parents Peer Support Group was at Crossley hall Primary School today a great session learning about good and bad sleep.  We discussed it’s effects on us and the importance of bedtime routine for adults and children.

http://www.autismlinks.co.uk/support-groups/group-support-yorkshire-and-humberside/the-childrens-sleep-charity?region

https://bso.bradford.gov.uk/schools/CMSPage.aspx?mid=1892

https://localoffer.bradford.gov.uk/Services/Details.aspx?mid=178

http://www.thechildrenssleepcharity.org.uk/

http://www.bbc.co.uk/…/b08hymf3/panorama-sleepless-britain

http://www.itv.com/…/why-cant-britain-sleep-tonight/

http://www.itv.com/goodmorningbritain/top-tips-for-getting-your-child-to-sleep

https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdsE-j07MJvteXgbIuZsU0IyMoQdx3WzqLlQw6C1AU3Ohf9Vw/viewform

Some great sharing of ideas and a greater understanding of the importance of sleep.  Thank you!

The past couple of weeks have been quite quiet with lots of people going away on holiday for Easter.  The lovely Spring weather has put a spring in our step!

I am getting back onboard with my Facebook Live sessions kicking off tomorrow with The End of Relationships or Divorce.  We often underestimate the impact of the end of a relationship; it is much like losing someone through bereavement, they are gone from your life and that is huge.  I liken the symptoms we go through to grief and bereavement because it is like recovering from a death.  There are big changes you go through in your life.  Tune in tomorrow on Facebook Live at 9am if you can’t make it look on my page later to watch and comment.

Wednesday it is the Free Parent Peer Support Group at Crossley Hall Primary School on Thornton Road in Bradford.  The topic this week is the importance of sleep and bed time routine.  The impact of sleep on our thinking and learning is massive and often overlooked as adults as well as our children.  Come along and learn about what you can do to improve this and share ideas and chat to other parents.

My Walk and Talk on Friday is in Rawdon this week meeting up by Jubilee Hall on Layton Lane.  These are an opportunity to talk and walk in nature.  The importance of being outdoors, physical exercise and being social is a huge part of good mental health so take care of you and come along!

On Tuesday 9th May I am giving a talk at the Child Development Centre at Airedale Hospital for AWARE.  Please contact AWARE to confirm your place!  The topic is Communication and Social Needs and how to use visual resources to support this.  To join AWARE take a look here:  http://awareuk.homestead.com/

I have space for adult and adolescent psychotherapy during the day time and later evening appointments.  Please contact me for a chat over your needs and booking an appointment.

Please subscribe to my You Tube account red button under the video.  This weekly blog is on various mental health topics that I can help clients with.